Exclusive Interview With Paul and Janna Ryan’s Sperm and Eggs


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Essentially, Ryan believes that a freshly fertilized egg, which has any number of chances to not fully develop into a fetus that will eventually be born as a human baby, has all the same Constitutional rights as its bio matter donors. Therefore, any termination of that zygote's life would be considered murder if HR 212 were to be passed through both Congressional bodies and then signed into law by the President.

Presumptive Republican Vice-Presidential nominee Paul Ryan believes in the new Conservative social theory of “personhood.” That is to say that Ryan firmly believes that life starts with fertilization, and that any process that stops that fertilization is immoral, and he’d like to make it illegal. Ryan, a devout Catholic, cosponsored HR 212. Here’s the official description of the  bill:

Sanctity of Human Life Act – Declares that: (1) the right to life guaranteed by the Constitution is vested in each human and is the person’s paramount and most fundamental right; (2) each human life begins with fertilization, cloning, or its functional equivalent, at which time every human has all legal and constitutional attributes and privileges of personhood; and (3) Congress, each state, the District of Columbia, and all U.S. territories have the authority to protect all human lives.

Paul Ryan says these two have the same rights that you have. He’s a smart one, isn’t he?

Essentially, Ryan believes that a freshly fertilized egg, which has any number of chances to not fully develop into a fetus that will eventually be born as a human baby, has all the same Constitutional rights as its bio matter donors. Therefore, any termination of that zygote’s life would be considered murder if HR 212 were to be passed through both Congressional bodies and then signed into law by the President. But is it really that crazy? I decided to ask some “people” who would certainly know better than I do. I figured Paul Ryan’s semen and his wife Janna’s eggs would be the perfect interview subjects on this controversial topic.

Here now is The Political Garbage Chute’s exclusive interview with the Ryans’ Reproductive Ingredients.

The Political Garbage Chute: Hi! And thanks for sitting down to do this interview. I know you two must be very busy these days, what with the campaign and all.

Paul Ryan’s Semen: (silence)

TPGC: Okay…let’s just get right down to it. Some say that it seems ludicrous to assign all Constitutionally protected rights to zygotes and embryos, since many women miscarry in the first few weeks of pregnancy anyway. By Rep. Ryan’s logic, doesn’t that mean a miscarriage is murder?

Janna Ryan’s Eggs: (silence)

TPGC:  Maybe you could comment then, Paul Ryan’s Semen?

Paul Ryan’s Semen: (silence)

TPGC: I have to be honest here guys, I thought I was going to get a lot more out of you. Isn’t there anything you want to say to the American people about Paul Ryan’s view on “personhood?”

Paul Ryan’s Semen: (silence)

Janna Ryan’s Eggs: (silence)

TPGC: Um. Thanks for your time.

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