“Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions”

Donald Trump's got the best resolutions. Many people are saying it. They say that Trump's resolutions are the best resolutions.

As 2016 winds to a close, and we brace ourselves for losing approximately 200,000 more beloved members of society in its waning hours, it’s time to also start looking toward the future; toward the horizon. Some of us like to set new goals for ourselves at the start of every new year, and we call those goals “New Year’s Resolutions.” Even orange faced, ill-informed, self-aggrandizing huckster carnival barkers-elect probably like to have goals for themselves too!

So what kinds of things made Donald Trump’s New Year’s Resolutions for 2017? He’s going to be the most powerful man in the free world in just a matter of weeks, days almost. So does that impact his decisions when making his resolutions?

Our crack research staff here at The Political Garbage Chute put in some long, hard hours and they helped compile the following segment. We hope you enjoy it. Happy New Year, everyone! Here’s to 2017 being every bit the bright, shining star of warmth and hope for humanity that 2016 was, eh?

Eh?

Watch “Donald Trump’s 2017 New Year’s Resolutions” below.

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