WASHINGTON, D.C. — The details of President Donald Trump’s proposed massive tax cut have made headlines and the political world is abuzz with speculation, criticism, and support in the usual channels. There is one man who, when he found out about the tax plan, was very excited and has already come out in support of it, and that man is alleged billionaire and D-List reality-TV star Donald Trump.
The Trump administration’s plan bills the tax cuts as the largest in our nation’s history. As reported by NPR, Businessman Trump would see quite a hefty reduction in his own income taxes, should President Trump’s proposal find its way through Congress and to his desk for signature.
This plan would be a windfall for Trump. He pays taxes for his businesses through the income tax code, so his plan would slash his own tax liability potentially in half, saving himself tens of millions of dollars. (source)
When Businessman Trump saw the details of the plan on “Fox & Friends” while watching television in bed, reports are that he turned to his daughter Ivanka, woke her, and told her he had confidence in “this very obviously smart and sexy president” to get the tax plan through.
“He strikes me as a real good deal maker,” Businessman Trump told his daughter, “that President Trump guy. Real good looking too, you ever notice that? How good looking our president is?”
“He’s the best looking president ever, Daddy,” Ivanka said sweetly.
Businessman Trump listened intently as the Fox News hosts laid out what President Trump’s tax proposal would do. He seemed particularly gleeful when he heard from an analyst that the richest people in the country would get a huge tax break. Businessman Trump rubbed his inner thigh and moaned when he heard this detail.
“Man,” Trump told his daughter, “I don’t know about you, but thinking about having even more money gives me such a boner. Do you have a boner right now, daughter of mine?”
“Good, you should,” Trump said, “because all that I have I want to leave to you. Money should turn you on. It should be everything and the only thing you care about, my sweet, sweet Ivanka. You’ll need so much of it to take care of your brothers when I’m gone. Donald Junior’s chronic jizz face won’t cure itself.”
“You’re so smart,” Trump said.
“And because you’re so smart you understand that we are in the middle of the greatest con of our lives,” Trump said, “and that this President Trump guy is going to help make the Trump family richer than ever.”
“You also know that the same people who elected President Trump,” Businessman Trump continued, “are the very same people who will lose the most. Their services will be cut. Their quality of life will decline, but they’ll think it’s gotten better because the damn dirty government — and all those damn dirty immigrants — will be out of the picture.”
“I love you so much,” Business Trump said to his adoring daughter.
“I love you so hard, too,” Trump said.
The world burned, and Ivanka nodded.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.