HOBART, ARKANSAS — When Donald Trump is sworn into office, Clem O’Connell says he will feel the “greatest relief” he’s capable of feeling. For eight years, O’Connell has told followers of his various right-wing Facebook pages and listeners to his podcast that “everything and anything under the sun wrong with America or the world at large” was the fault of Barack Obama.
“I mean, the buck stops at the president right,” O’Connell demanded from his audience in this week’s episode of Completely Biased, “and therefore it’s always made sense to me to blame Obama for everything that happens in America that I don’t like. Is it not the president’s job to be an all-seeing, all-knowing, super powerful entity that inserts himself into every scenario possible? Is that not what we mean by small government?”
With Trump replacing Obama as the 45th President of the United States, though, Clem says he’ll take a “whole new, fresh approach” to life.
“I’m going to transition from blaming everything I don’t like on Obama,” Clem said, “to blaming Obama for everything Trump does that I don’t like. And the best part is that I spent the last eight years making fun of libtards every time they’d remind us that Bush did this or did that, or Bush oversaw a million job losses a month and didn’t do shit this, Bush started an illegal and enormously expensive, perpetual war of choice for no good reason at all that led to ISIS taking hold in the power vacuum we created in the middle east that.”
Mr. O’Connell said that hypocrisy, though, doesn’t concern him. Only “stopping the libtarded agenda at all costs” matters to him at this point.
“For fucks’ sake,” Clem bellowed, “we elected Donald Trump just to stick our fingers in their eyes. He was a Democrat before he was a Republican, he’s stupid as shit, and completely unprepared. But we like that about him. Because we’re convinced that the job of the presidency is so simple that idiots can do it perfectly, and sure, we’ll all act like we have no idea how it happened when Trump’s incompetence gets people killed or wrecks the economy, but well, YOLO, you know?”
In his view, Clem says that for the duration of Mr. Trump’s term, he’ll have a “boat load of reasons to blame Obama” for his own mistakes.
“For starters,” Clem told his audience, “Obama was a Democrat. Trump can fire up his base just by reminding them Obama was a Democrat. That’ll let him off the hook with about 85% of Republican voters. Then for the Breitbart-Bannon Trump Supporters, he can remind them Obama was, well, you know, urban. Those Republican types will just be relieved the white house is white both inside and out again, and will turn a blind eye to Trump, say, nuking California because their governor criticized him or something.”
Clem said he’ll make it a slow transition, so that he doesn’t accidentally blame Obama for something Trump did or, much worse.
“Oh God,” Clem wondered, “what if I’m not paying attention and accidentally give credit to Obama for doing something that Trump’s trying to take credit for at the time? Yeesh. That’d suck. So I have to take it slow, and make sure all my hate-filled ducks are in a row, know what I mean?”
Donald Trump will take the oath of office on January 20th, 2017.
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.