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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Biden Politely Declines Lindsey Graham’s Offer of Four Years of Public Beejers

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The note President Biden sent to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) yesterday...
Business

Robinhood Files Paperwork to Change Its Name to “SheriffofNottingham.”

SWILLY CORN, VALLEY -- Online brokerage trader Robinhood filed emergency paperwork with the Securities...
Business

McEnany Still Looking for a Taco Bell That Will Hire Her

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany has still, as of...
Food and Dining

Sure Marjorie Taylor Greene is an Unhinged Racist, But She Makes Amazing Grits!

Freshman Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-MAGAstan) has had quite a first couple of weeks...
MAGA News

McConnell: “Nobody’s Above the Law Except for D-List Reality TV Game Show Hosts”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) asserted as clearly and plainly...
U.S. Politics

Man Finds Ted Cruz Drowning and Throws Him a Cement Life Preserver

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- While it's not clear at this time exactly why Senator Ted...
MAGA News

Marjorie Taylor Greene Says You Can’t Impeach Former God Emperor Kings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Qongresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene is firmly and completely in the...
Criminal Justice

Cruz: Senate Should Clear the Former President Because He’s a Private Citizen, Investigate Hunter Biden Instead

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One thing is becoming increasingly clear -- most Senate Republicans are...
MAGA News

Hawley, Cruz, and Paul Leave GOP and Start the “Lost Cause Party”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the mid-19th century, the United States of America splintered, and...
MAGA News

Cruz: “An Impeachment Conviction After He’s Left Office Won’t Make My Wife Any Less Ugly”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Before he left office, the former President of the United States...
MAGA News

Museum of Holocaust Denial Hires Stephen Miller as New Director

LAKE FUROR, FLORIDA -- When the previous administration left the White House a few...
Lifestyle

Gaetz Blames Cancel Culture for His Inability to Bring a Woman to Climax Even Once

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there is one thing Congressman Matt Gaetz loathes, it's sobriety....
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)