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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

High Energy Alpha Male Too Chickenshit to Testify Under Oath About the Insurrection He Started

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the late 1990's President William Jefferson Clinton was ensnared in...
Sports

Colin Kaepernick Would Like a Word With Jim Jordan About “Cancel Culture”

SAN JOSE, CALIFORNIA -- Former NFL quarterback and activist Colin Kaepernick is seeking a...
Lifestyle

Man in MAGA Hat Burning Cross Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’

WALLACE, GEORGIA -- A man in a MAGA hat burning a cross on the...
MAGA News

Americans Shocked to See Rich Middle-Aged White Conservative Woman Pretend She’s a Victim

It was a shocking scene in the nation's capitol today. Not because it was...
Women's Rights

Alabama Teenager Rushed to Urgent Care With Uncle’s Baby In Her Eye

COU-ROUGE COUSIN SEXE PARISH, ALABAMA -- Doctors and attending staff in the urgent care...
Science & Medicine

Space Force Releases Initial Cost Estimate to Yeet Matt Gaetz Into The Sun

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States Space Force released a study this week that...
U.S. Politics

For the Sake of Bipartisanship, Biden Offers to Call Cruz’s Wife Ugly

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden ran on a message of uniting the country....
MAGA News

McCarthy Proposes Censuring Rep. Greene’s Crack Dealer

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As House Democrats move quickly to strip her of her committee...
Criminal Justice

Ted Cruz: “Maybe We Deserved to Be Insurrected.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Ted Cruz (R-MAGAstan) played a key role in hyping up...
Religion

Confused Evangelical Still Can’t Find Anti-Abortion Verses in Bible

CORNHOLE FALLS, IDAHO -- Chad McMichaels is a 36 year old devout, born again...
Business

Taylor Greene Accuses Donut Shop Worker of Being Secret Jewish Glazer

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- The crack smoke issuing forth from Qongresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene's office...
U.S. Politics

Al Franken Offers to Takeover Marjorie Taylor Greene’s House Seat

ESSENEL, MINNESOTA -- Former Senator Al Franken does not currently live in Georgia, he's...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)