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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Arts & Entertainment

5 Key Differences Between Michael Jackson and Matt Walsh

Matt Walsh is a commentator and host on The Daily Wire. He's also extremely obsessed...
MAGA News

In 2024, Republicans Will Choose Between Trump, DeSantis, or Another Form of Cancer

Believe it or not, Americans are only about 20 short months away from choosing...
Lifestyle

7 Cute Nicknames Lauren Boebert’s First Grandchild Can Call Her

Recently, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) announced that her 17-year old son had impregnated someone,...
MAGA News

World’s Richest Alt-Right Twitter Troll Calls for QAnon Shaman’s Release

Elon Musk, the world's richest alt-right Twitter troll, used his account on that social...
Business

New “Mrs. Shapiro” Bottled Water is Just the Empty Bottle

Hot on the heels of releasing his own white chocolate candy bar meant to...
Lifestyle

Florida Republicans Propose 24-Hour Waiting Period for All Men Buying Dresses

If you're a man looking to buy a dress for your daughter, niece, wife,...
Science & Medicine

Matt Walsh Applied for a Hospital Job as a Pediatric Urologist

Daily Wire host and right-wing provocateur Matt Walsh told his audience today that he may...
Lifestyle

How to Tell When You Should Say “Woke” or Just Use the N-Word

If there is one constant in the universe, it's that change is inevitable. Perhaps nothing...
Conservative Media

Judge in Dominion Lawsuit Releases Private Text Messages Between Fox Hosts and Execs

This week, the judge presiding over Dominion Voting System's billion dollar lawsuit against Fox...
LGTBQ+

His State’s Anti-Drag Law Forces Ron DeSantis to Stop Wearing High Heeled Cowboy Boots

Gov. RonDeSantis of Florida received some personally troubling news today. According to his own...
Lifestyle

Greene Wants Harrison Ford to Testify About Being Antifa Leader Since 1980

Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) filed a bill on the House Floor this week...
Business

Ben Shapiro Unveils New White Chocolate “Himhe’s” Bars for Un-woke Candy Lovers

Move over, Hershey's, because there's a new chocolatier on the block, and he's hell...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)