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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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Criminal Justice

NYC Advises Trump Lawyers They Don’t Have Family Prison Cells

Despite the fact that no arrests have been thus far, it seems like the...
Criminal Justice

Cruz Says He’ll Be Trump’s Prison Bitch If No One Else Will

Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) has taken to social media in the last few days...
Business

DeSantis Wants All Black Spaces on Roulette Wheels in Florida Made White

"The last thing we want is some white woman walking into one of our...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Circling Mar-A-Lago Shouting “Lock Him up!”

"I told Mr. Trump that quite frankly Ms. Clinton has earned this one, and...
Criminal Justice

Trump Orders “Beautiful MAGA Army” to Ready Their Rascal Scooters for a Jail Break

Former President Trump is, according to several sources at Mar-A-Lago, really starting to lose...
Criminal Justice

Three Top Attorneys Have Already Offered to Represent Trump for Free

The entire MAGA movement is on pins and needles. The other shoe seems poised...
Criminal Justice

Legal Experts Sharply Divided on Whether Trump Will Get Conjugal Visits With Ivanka

As the country braces for a potential arrest of former President Donald Trump, a...
Immigration

MTG Claims She Saw Leprechauns Planting Pots of Gold Near Southern Border

Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told the House Subcommittee on Racist Nationalism today that...
MAGA News

Trump Tells Ivanka He’s Going to Pinch Her No Matter How Much Green She’s Wearing

Today is St. Patrick's Day, and nobody knows that better than former, one term,...
The War on Drugs

Mexico Offers to Pay to Teach MTG What Real Bombs Look Like

The Government of Mexico officially offered to give Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) as...
LGTBQ+

TN Lawmakers Appoint Matt Walsh and Ben Shapiro Official State Gender Inspectors

Republican lawmakers in the State of Tennessee held a closed-door session late last night,...
History

DeSantis: Florida History Books Must Remove White Wigs and Rouge from Images of Founders

With the stroke of his pen, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q) ordered all history...
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)