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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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Science & Medicine

Appeals Court: If Ted Cruz is Fertile, the Abortion Pill Should Be Legal

Last week, a federal judge invalidated the FDA's approval of mifepristone, a so-called "abortion...
Tech

Twitter Releases New Feature That Lets You Smell Trump’s Dick on Jim Jordan’s Tweets

In recent weeks, billionaire meme stealing shitposter Elon Musk says that Twitter has lost...
Business

Anheuser-Busch Selling $400 Special Edition Boycott Cases of Bud Light for Target Practice

Gun owning super-patriot religious inquisitors looking to take their transphobic and homophobic rage out...
U.S. Politics

3 Ways to Tell Which Democrats to Expel From Congress for Protesting Gun Violence

Are you a member of a state legislature? Is your state a red state?...
Criminal Justice

Trump Boys Ask Lawyers if Daddy Can Just Be “Out-dicted”

Sources close to the situation have reported to various media outlets that former President...
Criminal Justice

Greene Waiting for Trump’s Signal to Spring Him From Jail Using Secret Space Laser

Congresspony Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) is probably former President Donald Trump's biggest cheerleader who...
Criminal Justice

Is Donald Trump Going to Cry About It?

Yesterday was not a good day for former, one term, twice forever impeached and...
Criminal Justice

DeSantis Bars Students from Learning About Trump’s Arrest or Indictment

Today, former President Donald J. Trump was arrested and arraigned on 34 felony charges...
History

A Complete List of Every Unindicted President of the United States

Today is quite a historic day. For the first time in our nation's history,...
Criminal Justice

Trump Demands Change of Venue to Sewage Plant So He Faces Jury of His Peers

Former President Donald J. Trump never made any bones about it: he wanted to...
Criminal Justice

Don Jr. Promises Father He’ll Be Man Of the House and Lust After Ivanka While He’s In Jail

This week, Donald J. Trump's life will be forever changed. For the first time...
Criminal Justice

FBI Issues Warning That Domestic Terrorists Plan to Protest Trump’s Arrest

The Federal Bureau of Investigations has issued a warning to law enforcement agencies throughout...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)