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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Science & Medicine

Surprised Doctors Pronounce Lauren Boebert Not Brain Dead

A visibly surprised team of doctors at Colorado State Hospital made an announcement this...
LGTBQ+

Alabama GOP Wants Separate Drinking Fountains for Transgender People

This morning, on a party line vote, an Alabama state legislative committee approved a...
Business

As Part of Dominion Settlement, Tucker and Hannity Must Share Custody of Trump’s Taint

"They already fought over who had more access to his balls and shaft, so...
Economy

McCarthy: Poor People Should at Least Pretend to Work Like He Does For His Six Figure Salary

"Speaker McCarthy is just getting a little sick and tired of all the Poorsy...
Business

Disney Building Drag Bar Next to Florida Governor’s Mansion

Another salvo has been fired in the war between Florida's biggest single site employer...
Arts & Entertainment

Texas Passes Law That Requires KISS and G.W.A.R. to Play Without Makeup

Musical acts touring the Lone Star State may have to alter their stage show,...
Women's Rights

DeSantis Signs Law Giving Parental Rights to Rapists Six Weeks After Rape

"Obviously, Ron DeSantis is a friend to Florida's rapists..."  - Chad Beefington, Rapists Rights...
The Bible Belt

Missouri Bans Literacy, Only 40% of Missourians Can Read The News About It

This week, Missouri Republicans found a new battleground to wage a culture war on...
Arts & Entertainment

NPR and PBS Agree to Return to Twitter If Tesla and SpaceX Give Up Government Handouts

Citing Elon Musk's decision to direct Twitter engineers to label their organizations as "government-funded...
Arts & Entertainment

DeSantis Bans “Fast and Furious” Movies in Florida

"...when he found out that the Fast and Furious movies are literally about a bunch of...
Criminal Justice

Clarence Thomas Found a Pubic Hair on Harlan Crow’s Nazi Linens

"...we all heard just absolutely ear shattering laughter coming from the room where Mr....
Business

Disney World Offering Free Bud Light to Every Transgender Guest This Summer

Transgender guests of Walt Disney World can receive a rather special perk this summer,...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)