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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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LGTBQ+

Jesus: “Silencing Transgender People Isn’t Christian, It’s Cunty”

"I specifically told people to stop being judgmental little twatwaffles to everyone." In Montana, elected...
Criminal Justice

A Complete List of All the 2024 Presidential Candidates Currently on Trial for Rape

In New York City, a former President of the United States is being sued...
Lifestyle

Greene and Boebert Blast Cinco De Mayo as ‘Reverse Racist’

"...it's very rude and disrespectful, the whole holiday. You can see it in the...
Arts & Entertainment

Disney Exec: Company Has Years of Meaningful Experience Dealing With Grumpy Dwarfs

During an investor conference call last week, Disney executives were confident that their company...
Arts & Entertainment

New Tennessee Law Requires All Transformers Toys to Only Have Car Mode

If you're a parent living in Tennessee and buying your child a Transformer for...
Economy

Boebert Proposes Lowering the Debt Basement Instead of Raising the Debt Ceiling

"Representative Boebert had an epiphany -- there's more than just a ceiling in a...
U.S. Politics

Naming Marjorie Taylor Greene His VP Would Double the IQ of Trump’s Ticket to 46

Former President Donald Trump really wants to make an attempt at a third popular...
Arts & Entertainment

DeSantis Orders Disney World to Immediately Reverse “Splash Mountain” Update

Imagineers at Walt Disney World have one week from today to immediately halt and...
U.S. Politics

Cruz Withholding 2024 Endorsement Until He Hears Every Candidate’s Stance on His Ugly Wife

Though the next presidential election is still over a year away, the machinations involved...
Conservative Media

Russian State Media Hires New Ukraine War Correspondent

Today, the Kremlin announced that Russia's state media has hired a new Ukraine War...
Conservative Media

Why Is Stephen Miller’s Mother’s Vagina Replacing Tucker Carlson at Fox News?

"We just figured one racist cunt could replace another and our audience would be...
Tech

Twitter Makes It Easier to Identify Verified Suckers and Fascists

Since taking over as Twitter's owner and Chief Executive Officer, billionaire hair plug recipient...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)