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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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World News

Mexico Agrees to Pay For Stephen Miller’s Hair Plugs

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador dropped what could be a...
MAGA News

Everybody Totally Believed That Was Stephen Miller’s Real Hair

The alarm went off at its usual time -- 3:30am in the morning. The...
MAGA News

Santa Claus Requests Permission from Trump to Bring Gifts to Jailed Migrant Children

NORTH POLE, EARTH -- The San-T-Claus Corporation, a corporate entity responsible for the funding...
MAGA News

Trump Interviewing Hillary Clinton For Chief of Staff

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The mounting tension between President Donald Trump and his Chief of...
Criminal Justice

Court Filings Reveal FBI’s Code Name for Don Jr: Individual-IQ-1

BENEDICT, NEW YORK -- Last week, court filings in FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller's...
Business

Trump Hotels Will Start Offering Fine Smocked Salmon and Other Meats Starting in 2019

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Donald Trump Jr. announced today that all Trump hotels...
MAGA News

Remington Introduces New Smocking Gun Marketed to Painters and Traitors

MADISON, NORTH CAROLINA -- One of the world's leading firearms manufacturers announced during an...
MAGA News

Individual-1 Sent Urgent Message To David Dennison, John Barron, Donald Trump, and President of Puerto Rico

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Authorities are reporting that within the last several hours Individual-1 --...
MAGA News

White House: Frantic, Raving, Unhinged Tweets Prove President Trump Is Not Panicking About Mueller Report

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House Deputy Jr. Press Secretary Tom Thompaulsen told reporters in...
MAGA News

Trump Promises Supporters He’ll Never Die ‘Like That Cuck Bush’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Despite prior tensions between the Bush family and President Donald Trump,...
Conservative Media

Tomi Lahren Outraged at Santa Claus’s 23andMe Results

CAJA DE DIABLA RUBIA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributor Tammy Lahren told Fox & Friends viewers...
U.S. Politics

Former President George Bush Reassured Several Times He’s Not Dead Yet

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Friends, family, and longtime aides to the Bush family have repeatedly...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)