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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Tech

President Demands Facebook and Twitter Force Users to Like Garbage Civilized People Don’t Want to Read

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is part of a group of Americans who...
The Democrats

Hillary Clinton Assures Beto O’Rourke DNC Forcing Him on Everyone is Winning Strategy

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- On leftover official Democratic National Committee stationery she was...
Science & Medicine

Obama Autographs Woman’s No-Cost Mammogram She Got Through ACA

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS --  When President Donald Trump visited areas of Alabama devastated by a...
MAGA News

Devin Nunes Sues His Mom For Not Telling Him He’s a Whiny Bitch Sooner

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, Congressman Devin Nunes of California announced that he was suing...
MAGA News

Trump Says Pentagon Would Be ‘More Easier to Enter’ If It Were Round Instead

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, President Trump visited the Pentagon. While not much is...
MAGA News

Poll: 72% of Americans Believe John McCain Could Still Kick Trump’s Ass

Over the course of the last few days, President Donald Trump has renewed attacks...
Arts & Entertainment

NBC To Issue Presidential Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Since becoming President, Donald Trump has tweeted his displeasure...
Criminal Justice

Jussie Smollett and Jacob Wohl Open Self-Defense Clinic and Creative Writing Workshop

Actor/musician Jussie Smollet and right-wing troll/provocateur/lifelong virgin incel Jacob Wohl announced today that they...
MAGA News

Mexico Agrees to Pay for Trump’s Veto

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has issued the very first veto of his...
Conservative Media

Mike Thernovich on Thuithide Watch After Dithney Re-Hireth Jameth Gunn for “Guardianth of the Galaxthy 3”

RIO DE MIERDA DE TORO, CALIFORNIA -- Right-wing podcathter and thothul media influenther Mike...
Conservative Media

Alex Jones’ Chem Trail Dealer Arrested

CORN PONE, TEXAS -- In a shocking and unforeseen turn of events, the man...
MAGA News

President Acknowledges He Had to Buy His Sons’ Way Into Trump University

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, America was rocked by a scandal involving a few...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)