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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Science & Medicine

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but...
Pew Pew!

Alabama Rape Victim Uses Legally Obtained AR-15 to Perform Own Abortion

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, ALABAMA -- In March, 28 year old nurse and Alabama resident Jane...
The Bible Belt

Alabama Rape Victim Uses Legally Obtained AR-15 to Perform Own Abortion

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, ALABAMA -- In March, 28 year old nurse and Alabama resident Jane Sampson...
Women's Rights

Man Who Can’t Find Woman Willing To Sleep With Him Gives Opinions on Abortion Anyway

COUSIN LOVERS, MISSOURI -- Jason Hubbard is a described "free market capitalist" with a...
Business

Amazon Starts Same-Day Coat Hanger Deliveries in Alabama, Georgia, Ohio, Missouri

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Scientific and news outlet Alternative Science reported recently that retail monolith...
Business

Shop-Vac Building New Manufacturing Facilities in Georgia, Alabama, Missouri, Ohio

WILLIAMSPORT, PENNSYLVANIA -- Citing a "brand new, previously unforeseen need in the market," Shop-Vac...
The Bible Belt

New Alabama Mom Can’t Wait to Grow Up and Watch Her Son Grow Up

CORNPONE, ALABAMA -- Susie Grandstrom is expecting her first child sometime later this year....
Women's Rights

Local Republican Can’t Wait to Share His Awful Views of Rape, Incest With You

LAKE CHAUVIN, FLORIDA -- Lance Westmund is a 52-year-old self-described Born-Again Christian, Republican, gun owner,...
Women's Rights

Exclusive: Interview With a 2-Month Old Fetus About Its Feelings on Abortion!

In 1973, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Roe vs. Wade that the...
The Bible Belt

Missouri Lawmakers Consider Changing State Nickname to “The Show Me Your Cooter State”

CONFEDERATE COUNTY, MISSOURI -- Missouri joined a growing number of red states have passed...
MAGA News

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but...
MAGA News

Trump Reminds Amash of Their Oath to Uphold and Defend the Republican Party

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, Republican Congressman Rep. Justin Amash of Michigan became...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

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