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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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Women's Rights

Texas Democrat Pushes Bill That Would Sentence Masturbating Men to Death

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republican lawmakers in the State of Texas are trying to get...
Women's Rights

Alabama Democrat Wants Mandatory Vasectomies Until Marriage

RÉCIPROQUE BAY, ALABAMA -- A Democrat in the State of Alabama has drafted new...
Women's Rights

Alabama Democrat Proposes Mandatory Vasectomies Until Marriage

RÉCIPROQUE BAY, ALABAMA -- A Democrat in the State of Alabama has drafted new...
The Democrats

Pelosi Explains Why She’s The Only One In The Entire Country Who Knows the Right Thing to Do About Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is not convinced the time...
Criminal Justice

Bob Mueller Sends Super Secret Coded Message to Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller delivered his first, highly-anticipated remarks...
Economy

Projections Show U.S. Could Fund Medicare For All For 400 Years Charging $1 To Punch Mitch McConnell In the Face

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A nonpartisan coalition of economists has published the findings of an...
Criminal Justice

Bob Mueller Sends Super Secret Coded Message to Congress

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As FBI Special Counsel Robert Mueller delivered his first, highly-anticipated remarks...
Criminal Justice

OJ Simpson Says L.A. Prosecutors Had Insufficient Evidence and Therefore, in Our Country, He Is Innocent

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA -- Former NFL superstar OJ Simpson was acquitted of murdering two...
Criminal Justice

With Mueller Statement, Pelosi Worried Trump Loyalists Won’t Vote For Dems ‘Even Harder’ After Impeachment

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As he announced and tendered his resignation from the Department of...
MAGA News

Trump Bans Staff from Using Any “I-Words”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, a visibly agitated President Trump held a press conference...
Women's Rights

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA -- Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that...
Women's Rights

Georgia Newborn Charged With Murder for Absorbing Her Twin Before Birth

RIO CHINGADEROS LOCOS, GEORGIA -- Authorities in a small Georgia town are reporting that...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)