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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

Trump Names First Lady as New Ambassador to the United Kingston

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump announced that he was appointing his...
World News

Boris Johnson Announces He’s a Cheap Chinese Trump Knockoff from Factory Owned by Ivanka

MERRY OLD LONDONTOWNSHIRESHIP, ENGLAND -- This morning, former London Mayor Boris Johnson found out...
Immigration

ICE Agent Enjoys Tour of Auschwitz a Little TOO Much

CAMISA MARRÓN, TEXAS -- Recently, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Michael Sherman had the...
MAGA News

MAGA Boy Grateful Obama Built FEMA Centers Trump Can Use As Concentration Camps For Brown Babies

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Jethro Bohiggins is not a fan of Barack Obama,...
U.S. Politics

Meadows Says He’ll Grill Mueller About Obama’s Tan Suit

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of President Trump's most loyal and strident allies in the...
MAGA News

Karen Surrenders Control of Her Vagina and Joins Women for Trump

VALLE MUJERES AUTODESTRUCTIVAS, CALIFORNIA -- When President Trump's daughter-in-law Lara launched "Women for Trump,"...
The Bible Belt

Conservative Christian: Rape Pregnancies Are ‘Just God Putting One In You’

CHARLESTON, W. VIRGINIA -- In 2015, West Virginia Delegate Brian Kurcaba (R) made some eyebrows...
MAGA News

Trump Nominated for the Nobel Prize in Bigotry

OSLO, NORWAY -- The very first Nobel Prize in the fields of "racism, race...
MAGA News

Trump Asks for New Question Added On 2020 Census: “Are You Brown?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump is not done fighting to have his way with...
Criminal Justice

Trump: “Mueller Fully and Completely Exonerated Me in Such a Mean, Biased Way!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump lashed out again at former FBI Special Counsel Robert...
Lifestyle

MAGA Boy Says His Wedding Made It The Best Family Reunion Yet

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins told his audience...
Criminal Justice

Trump: “I Could Lynch Someone on 5th Avenue, But That Doesn’t Mean I’m Racist, Does It?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump reporters today that he's "pretty sure" he's not...
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)