James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Local Woman Anxious For Hatred Among Fellow Americans To Return To Pre-Trump Levels

LAKE GILMOUR, FLORIDA -- Scholars and historians seem to agree, the 2016 presidential election...

Trump Promises to Drop Out if Michelle Obama Enters 2020 Race

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump told reporters today that if former First Lady...

President Trump Asks All Intelligence Briefings Include Small Words And Big Pictures

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has submitted an official request to Congress, asking...

White House Engineers Will Downsize the Trump’s Big Red Button

Sister publication The Pastiche Post has reported this week that a major change is...

Trump Asks White House Engineers to Downsize the Big Red Button

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The government's top engineers are working hard to retrofit the button...

Lahren: “Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist muppet Timothy Lahren railed...

Grand Wizard Unsure Whether to Disavow Klan’s Ties to ‘N****r Loving Socialist Democrats’ or Own the Libs With Them

QUECHINGAS VALLEY, ARKANSAS -- 56 year old Sam Kilpatrick is a descendent of Irish...

New Policy Dictates Babylon Bee Staff Crucify Themselves Daily in Front of Snopes Headquarters

The editors of The Babylon Bee -- a Christian Dominionist publication that uses alleged humor and...

The Klan Apologizes For Spelling Error In Pro-Trump Pamphlets

WHITE PLAINS, KANSAS -- A spokesman for the Ku Klux Klan formally apologized for...

Man Files Freedom of Information Request for Donald Trump’s ‘Human Birth Certificate’

SAN NARANJA, CALIFORNIA -- A man in California has filed a request under the...

Trump Accuses China Of Being A Chinese Hoax

WASHINGTON, D.C.  -- Since taking office, President Donald Trump has taken an often times...

Latest articles

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...