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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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MAGA News

Tennessee Man Sues El Pollo Loco To Change Name to “Crazy Chicken”

One man in Tennessee is fighting against immigration reform in a most unusual way.
Religion

Pat Robertson: “If The Florida and Puerto Rico Gays Stop Having the Sex With Each Other, We Might Stop Hurricane Dorian!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson told his telecongregation this morning that he...
Science & Medicine

Hurricane Dorian Makes Preemptive Strike Against U.S. Nuclear Arsenal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, the Pentagon is confirming that the...
MAGA News

Trump Says Next G-7 Should Be Held in Russian Bathhouse

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last week, President Trump took part in the G-7 summit. The...
MAGA News

Bush Says Trump Should Know How to Pronounce ‘Nookular Weapons’ Before He Uses Them on Hurricanes

CABEZA MIERDA, TEXAS -- Former President George W. Bush left the public spotlight in...
Science & Medicine

NASA Still Unable To Locate Edge Of Trump’s Stupidity

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Scientists at NASA have yet to locate the edge of Donald...
U.S. Politics

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The Oval Office First”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three weeks of medical...
MAGA News

Ben Carson and Betsy DeVos Convince White House to Rush Thousands of Rakes to Amazon Headquarters

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House has issued an order to the United States...
MAGA News

Trump: “I Didn’t Consider Nuking Hurricanes Because Everyone Knows You Nuke Tornadoes”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This past weekend, Axios published a story that suggested President Donald Trump has...
Immigration

Man Chanting ‘Send Her Back’ Can’t Locate His Home State on a Map

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Last night, right-wing podcaster, commentator, and singer/writer Jethro Bohiggins...
World News

Mexican Government Releases Detailed Audit of How Much They’ve Paid for Trump’s Wall So Far

MEXICO CITY, MEXICO -- The federal government of Mexico has published an extremely detailed...
MAGA News

Trump Hires Goon to Steal Greenland From Denmark and Hide It In the Alamo Basement

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump, having been rebuffed on multiple occasions by Denmark...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)