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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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Conservative Media

Tucker Carlson’s Dry Cleaner Won’t Return White Sheets Without Claim Ticket

REICH LAKE, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is reportedly still fuming mad...
Women's Rights

Study Shows 10 Out of 10 People Against Abortion Never Have to Get One

A new study just recently published indicates that for every ten people who oppose...
MAGA News

MAGA Supporter Wants to Know Why Twitter’s Algorithm Made Him Tweet Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Content No One Wants to See

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/writer Jethro Bohiggins says he "knows...
Science & Medicine

Local Moron Doesn’t Understand Difference Between Climate and Weather

FARTKNOCKER FALLS, IDAHO -- 52 year old Matt Ricci does not believe that climate...
The War on Drugs

Marijuana Overdoses Multiplied By Over 1,000,000% Last Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute of Drug Policy and Research teamed up with...
Criminal Justice

Rod Rosenstein Takes Barr’s Phallus Out of His Mouth So He Can Criticise Comey Easier

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Office of the Inspector General has released a report that...
Science & Medicine

Poll: Majority Approve of Trump Using Nuclear Missile on Dorian If It’s Headed Toward Mar-A-Lago

Hurricane Dorian is picking up steam and headed toward Florida, having narrowly landfall in...
Science & Medicine

Surgeon General: Teens and Pregnant Women Should Avoid Cannabis and Driving Cars Off Bridges

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Surgeon General issued a warning to Americans this week, urging...
MAGA News

DeVos To Strike More Than 4.5 Billion Years Of Earth’s History From School Curriculum

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Education Secretary Betsy DeVos announced today that soon schools all across...
Criminal Justice

Trump Official: IG Report Indicates Comey Was Second Gunman on Grassy Knoll and Helped Hillary Cover Up Benghazi

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the Office of the Inspector General released a report...
Conservative Media

Classic TV Show Being Rebooted, Will Focus on Trump Administration

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- During the decade known as the 1980's, there were many hit...
Arts & Entertainment

NBC To Put Trump Trigger Warning Before Every Episode Of Saturday Night Live

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Since becoming President, Donald Trump has tweeted his displeasure...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)