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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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U.S. Politics

President Warns Americans Not To Interfere In Next Election By Voting For The Democrat

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though there are still several months left before the primary season...
MAGA News

President Assures Skeptics Putin Gave Him Permission to Collude With Ukraine This Time

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As buzz grows on the Hill surrounding reports that President Donald...
Lifestyle

Pervy Conspiracy Theorist Storms Area 69 Instead

AREA 69, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION -- While everyone else has been busy preparing for an...
MAGA News

President Calls California ‘Unconstitutional,’ and Revokes Its Statehood

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration officially filed paperwork to revoke California's EPA waiver...
MAGA News

Fearing Another Whistleblower, President Bans Tea Kettles From White House

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the President of the United States issued an edict,...
U.S. Politics

League of Latinx Voters Puts Out Pamphlet: “5 Reasons To Re-Elect Donald Trump For President”

President of the United States, and Head Stable Genius at MENSA, Donald J. Trump,...
MAGA News

President Declares ‘National McMergency’ Because He Runs Out of Chicken Nugget Dipping Sauce

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources within the White House are confirming that this morning, at...
Conservative Media

Spicer Already Booked For Next Season of “Dancing With the Lying Kleptocratic Fascist Lawless Dick Burgers”

HOLLYWOOT, CALIFORNIA -- Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has been having the...
Conservative Media

Shane Gillis Hired as Trump’s New Speechwriter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, at a ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump...
Conservative Media

Shane Gillis Apologizes to All The Good Asians He Does Like. Both Of Them.

Alleged comedian Shane Gillis will not be joining the cast of Saturday Night Live, as had...
MAGA News

Doctors Unsure Barry Berke’s Foot Can Ever Be Extracted from Lewandowski

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's top doctors aren't sure anything can be done from...
MAGA News

President Orders DOJ to Investigate Obama For Being Better at Literally Everything Than He Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It is not a secret at all on the Hill that...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)