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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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U.S. Politics

Jim Jordan: “We Can’t Impeach Trump Before We Impeach Joe Biden”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Gym Jordan told reporters this morning that he "absolutely does...
MAGA News

Obama Offers to Print Articles of Impeachment on His Long Form Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former President Barack H. Obama (D-Kenya) has reached out to Speaker...
MAGA News

Hillary Clinton Offers To Represent President Trump In His Impeachment Trial

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former Secretary of State, and winner of the 2016...
Science & Medicine

Medical Community Stunned By Discovery of Vertebrate Democrat

Doctors and medical professionals all over the country, and indeed the world, are marveling...
MAGA News

White House Transcript of Ukraine Call Leaks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States, President Donald J. Trump, seems...
MAGA News

Trump Orders Secret Service to Confiscate Greta Thunberg’s Staring Daggers

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump has ordered the Secret Service to...
Science & Medicine

Mouth Breathing, Knuckle Dragging Moron Mocks Girl Ten Times Smarter and Accomplished Than He’ll Ever Be

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/writer Jethro Bohiggins defended President Trump...
MAGA News

Trump Wishes Greta Thunberg Would Speak at Third Grade Level So He Could Mock Her Intelligence

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, 16 year old climate activist Greta Thunberg delivered a powerful...
The Democrats

Nancy Pelosi Still Can’t Find Her Constitutional Authority to Hold Trump Accountable

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- She knows she left it somewhere. She had it in her...
Economy

Studies Show Mitch McConnell in Unique Position to Help U.S. Fund Medicare For All

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A nonpartisan coalition of economists has published the findings of an...
Business

Chamber of Commerce: White Sheet Sales Up 72% Since January 2017

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce announced on Monday that retailers across the country are...
MAGA News

Trump: Putin Likes Watching Him Collude With Other Foreign Leaders

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Toadstool Phallus assured a nervous and worried American electorate this...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)