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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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Lifestyle

What DO You Get The Horse-Faced Cave Troll Insurrectionist In Your Life for Valentine’s Day?

"...a lovely new feedbag might be the way to go. But she just signed...
Conservative Media

Tucker’s Putin Interview Was the Most Boring BJ Video I’ve Ever Seen on the Internet

"...in the interest of fairness, and admittedly settling a sense of curiosity I had...
U.S. Politics

If I Can’t Vote for a Monarch With Immunity, I Don’t Have Freedom, Do I?

The following editorial was written by right-wing commentator and author Dustin Pewpsin. The views...
Lifestyle

Tallahassee Pill Sees His Shadow and Will Have Four More Years of Not Being President

"He could still be president of his local chapter of the Proud Boys, or...
Arts & Entertainment

To Save Trump’s Business Empire, It’s Time to Hand Control to Taylor Swift

Clearly, nobody currently on Team Trump has any idea how to run a business...
U.S. Politics

I Finally Saw Hunter Biden’s Dick. The Bad News for Republicans? It Didn’t Make Me a Fascist.

Midge was so intent on making sure that every American saw Hunter's cock that...
U.S. Politics

Our Whole Office Chipped-In and Got Ron DeSantis a Disney World Annual Pass to Cheer Him Up

When he rides "Pirates of the Caribbean," he may be off-put by seeing men...
Criminal Justice

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me I Had Fucking Presidential Immunity?!

The following editorial was written and submitted by former President and alive human, Richard...
The Democrats

Should Seal Team 6 or the A-Team Be Used for Generalissimo Biden’s Lawful Hit on Trump?

Don't get me wrong -- obviously Biden will do it, and obviously the judges...
Arts & Entertainment

George Santos Talked to Us About His Inspiration Behind Steamboat Willie

"...when you're someone like me -- and granted there are so very few who...
Arts & Entertainment

First It’s Green Day. Who’s Next – Rage Against the Machine?!

The following editorial was written by Chad Beefington, a right-wing commentator. The views and...
Criminal Justice

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)