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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However, now that I'm going to be bogged down with extra paperwork if I do, I can say pretty unequivocally we likely won't be rolling through the state any time soon." You...
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MAGA News

Report: Yovanovich’s Are Way Bigger Than Trump’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute For Reporting Stuff and Things has issued a...
Criminal Justice

Clinton Circling Roger Stone’s Court Proceeding Shouting “Gonna Lock Him Up!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton and her late model...
MAGA News

Trump: “I Wasn’t Trying to Intimidate Yovanovitch, I Was Trying To Scare Her Into Shutting Up!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During the first part of Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch's testimony in the...
MAGA News

Devin Nunes and Jim Jordan Unsure Whose Turn It Is To Publicly Fluff Trump’s Nads

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The second day of open impeachment hearings in the House Intelligence...
MAGA News

Jim Jordan: “President Trump’s The Kind of Sexual Predator I Have a Duty and Instinct to Protect At All Costs”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, Congressman Jim Jordan told a conservative talk radio host...
U.S. Politics

POLL: Fucking Seriously?, No, Hillary. Don’t.

A new poll of just about everyone everywhere shows a striking result: Fucking seriously,...
MAGA News

Meadows: “How Can You Impeach Trump When Obama Was Black, a Democrat, and President First?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressman Mark Meadows is part of the Freedom Caucus in the...
MAGA News

Jordan Demands Hunter Biden Testify About Why Hillary Won’t Testify About Benghazi’s Connection to Trump’s Call to Ukraine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Trump's Rectum) was given his first opportunity...
MAGA News

Titanically Stupid Moron Spends His Precious Time as Dipshit in Chief Live-Tweeting His Own Impeachment

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States is perhaps the most powerful...
MAGA News

Schiff Finds McConnell In Trump’s Ass While Trying to Calculate How Far He Can Fit His Shoe Up There

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, Rep. Adam Schiff was still working...
MAGA News

Lindsey Graham: “You Can’t Impeach Trump Until I Stop Blowing Him”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina may have, at some point,...
MAGA News

Haley: “If You Just Close Your Eyes and Plug Your Ears, You Can Tell Trump is Truthful and Fit for Office”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former South Carolina governor Nikki Haley is on a...
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Latest articles

Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...
Lifestyle

Because of DEI, My Black Friends Don’t Like My Confederate Flag Collection No More

The following editorial was written by right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Q. Bohiggins. The...

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