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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

Trump Supporter Plummets to His Death After Fauci Advises to Stay Away From Bridges on Windy Days

Oh, hello there! Did you come here thinking you'd find yet another stunning example of...
Conservative Media

Fox News Medical Non-Experts Not Sure Americans Should Be Listening to Dr. Fauci Anymore

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Three of Fox News' least-learned and un-certified medical non-experts...
MAGA News

President Worries Never-Trumpers Are Dying of COVID-19 to Make Him ‘Look Bad’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, the United States has suffered 83,...
Economy

World Shocked to Discover Billionaire Just Entitled Sociopath Asshole

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Billionaire and Likely Cartoon Villain Elon Musk wanted his...
MAGA News

Trump Promises to Attach Obamagate Evidence to Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is extremely concerned and hyper-focused on what is...
MAGA News

Whiny Bitch Throws Toys Out of Crib, Storms Out of Presser

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, Americans witnessed a sight they'd never seen in the 244...
MAGA News

Putin Gives Trump Permission to Rehire Michael Flynn

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- Depending on whether the federal judge in his criminal case allows...
MAGA News

Nation Devastated to Learn Trump Officials Will Likely Recover from Coronavirus Infections

All across the United States, Americans are finding out that the executive branch of...
MAGA News

Coronavirus Worries About Its Exposure to Stephen Miller

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As the country wakes up and reads more and more reports...
MAGA News

Doctors Discover Fatal Rectal Cancer in Department of Justice

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Doctors in the nation's capital discovered what they're calling the "most...
Economy

Experts Warn: U.S. Economy Now as Depressed By Trump as Americans Are

The April 2020 jobs report is in, and it's an absolute blood bath, which...
Economy

Pat Robertson: “Jesus Died For Your Sins. The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy.”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to hide his support...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)