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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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Business

Hasbro Releasing “Trumpnopoly” Board Game Where Winning Players File Bankruptcy and Duck Income Tax

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND -- During a quarterly conference call with investors, Hasbro -- the...
Science & Medicine

CDC Testing Effectiveness of Racial Slurs on COVID-19

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control, at the request of the White...
U.S. Politics

Rand Paul to Filibuster Bubba Wallace’s Last Lap

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Senator Rand Paul (R-The Kremlin) has announced that he plans to...
Criminal Justice

If He Can’t Murder Whoever He Wants, Whenever He Wants, You’re On Your Own, Rape Victims

He's a hero. Everyone he ever meets tells him he's a hero. So why...
MAGA News

To End Abortion, President Trump Bans Pregnancy Tests

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- One of President Trump's most loyal bases of support comes from...
MAGA News

Trump Claims Support of the Silent But Deadly Majority

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It might be hard for Americans to believe, but President Donald...
Criminal Justice

Antifa Millennials Topple Mrs. Butterworth Statue

LENIN, MISSISSIPPI -- A local AntiFa franchise, working under the direction of its millennial...
Science & Medicine

Surgeons Asphyxiating From Wearing Masks Up 10,000,000,000,000% Since COVID-19 Outbreak

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The National Medical Research Institute of America has just...
MAGA News

President Trump Accuses Obama of Putting ‘Sharia Antifa Hex’ on Tulsa Rally

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not a well-kept secret on the Hill that the abysmal...
MAGA News

Ivanka: “Daddy Has No Problem Drinking Water With One Hand When The Other’s On My Ass”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States drink water with one...
MAGA News

Ivanka Had The Most Classy and Elegant Photos Taken For Father’s Day

WASHINGTON. D.C. -- Pretty Much First Lady Ivanka Trump reportedly had a series of...
MAGA News

Tulsa MAGA Rally Goers to Take “Protective KKKool-Aid Shot” As They Enter Building

TULSA, OKLAHOMA -- As members of the American MAGAban enter the building to partake...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)