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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the due process and trial he's deserved his entire life." Life is funny sometimes. If you had asked me a few years ago, hell, even a few days back, if I thought...
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MAGA News

He Thinks Face Masks Are Tyranny. He Also Loves Trump’s Goon Squad. Doctors Don’t Know How He Lives Without a Brain.

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins will not wear...
Arts & Entertainment

Palpatine Blames ‘AntiSith Anarchists’ for Use of Death Star on Alderaan

CORUSCANT -- In an emergency address, Emperor Sheev Palpatine confirmed that the Death Star's...
MAGA News

Trump: “Some Very Fine People Pimped Out Little Girls for Jeffrey Epstein and His Friends!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Once again today, the President of the United States of America...
MAGA News

Trump Blames Antifa for His Small Hands, Mangled Dick, and Obsession with Superior Black Man

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's not a very well-kept secret that President Donald Trump wants...
Conservative Media

Tomi Lahren Is Publishing a List of Acceptable Ways for Black People to Protest Being Murdered

BROKE WIND MOUNTAIN, CALIFORNIA -- From a secluded cabin in the mountains of Southern...
MAGA News

White House Admits It Fed Trump Cheeseburgers and Called Them Hydroxychloroquine

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, President Trump dropped quite a bombshell on the American people....
MAGA News

RBG: “Cancer Can’t Make Me Resign Until It Leaves The White House First”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In 2019, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg underwent three weeks...
Arts & Entertainment

President Will Distribute Copies of Mary Trump’s Book at Future MAGA Rallies

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump cannot be all that thrilled about his niece...
MAGA News

Emperor Palpatine Defends Attorney General Vader’s Use of Stormtroopers in Portland

CORUSCANT -- As protests mount throughout the galaxy, Emperor Sheev Palpatine has maintained a...
MAGA News

Poll Indicates Majority of Americans Wish Trump’s Mom Had Been Pro-Choice

As the election draws closer, there's little doubt that President Donald Trump believes he's...
MAGA News

Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time...
Economy

Robertson: “If Jesus Died For Your Sins, The Least You Can Do Is Die For Trump’s Economy!”

VIRGINIA BEACH, VIRGINIA -- Televangelist Pat Robertson hasn't done much to hide his support...
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Latest articles

Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...
Criminal Justice

Marjorie Taylor Greene Told Me Her New Theory: Hunter’s Dick Pics Caused New York’s Earthquakes

"...when I was researching Hunter's dick pics again last night, I noticed something I...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)