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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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U.S. Politics

Cruz: “The Senate Must Fill Ginsburg’s Seat and Secure a Permanent Majority for the Overwhelming Minority”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Unsurprisingly, Congressional Republicans have been giving interviews and making social media...
MAGA News

Romney Had Spine Removed So He Could Suck Trump’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shocking absolutely, positively nobody, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) announced today that...
U.S. Politics

Romney’s Got Binders Full of Excuses for Being a Partisan Cocksock

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump appeared to get his wish --...
Religion

Taliban Endorses Judge Amy Coney Barrett for Supreme Court Justice

AFGHANISTAN -- The Taliban have issued the following statement, in their words "fully and...
U.S. Politics

Cruz: “The Biden Rule Only Applies to Black Democrat Presidents”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If one goes looking for the so-called "Biden Rule" in the...
U.S. Politics

UPDATE: Mitch McConnell Still a Certifiably Racist, Wet-Eyed, Wattle-Necked Cuntsicle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In our continuing endeavor to provide our readers with the most...
History

1776 Commission Will Teach Kids Facts About America’s Totally Not Racist Past of Slavery, Genocide, Jim Crow, and Internment Camps

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Recently, President Donald Trump at Education Secretary Betsy Devos announced that...
Immigration

Mike Pence Explains How Ripping Wombs Out of Immigrant Women is Pro-Life and Not Permanent Abortion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning Vice President High Priest Michael Pence was asked to...
Business

Mob Storms Local Taco Bell Demanding Mexican Pizzas

FORT PHARDT, INDIANA -- An angry, maksed mob appeared at a local Taco Bell...
U.S. Politics

Barr Suggests Charging People Who Vote for Biden With Sedition

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the history of the United States, very, very few people...
MAGA News

Trump: “All Lives Matter Except in Blue States”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret that President Donald Trump has spent a...
MAGA News

Pussy Grabbing Predator With 25 Credible Allegations of Sexual Assault Can’t Wait to Bring Up Biden’s Past

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the nation's capital, there is a 74-year-old pussy grabbing alleged...
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)