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James Schlarmann

Comedian/Satirist/Amateur Burrito Wrangler
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Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign spokesperson Dustin Pewpsin, who also served as Elon Musk's personal testicular polishing assistant from 2021-2022. The opinions expressed herein are only those of Mr. Pewpsin, and not of this outlet,...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true. At least, she's not a fan of transgender women. For some reason, which only the billionaire Harry Potter author can tell us what that might be, she doesn't seem as obsessed...
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MAGA News

DeVos Trying to Teach Trump How to Read and Write So He Can Write His Presidential Memoir

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He hasn't given up on stealing the election and overturning the...
MAGA News

5 Fun Facts About Sidney Powell, The Rat-Faced Scarecrow Attempting to Steal Our Election

Yesterday, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani -- whose only role in society now...
MAGA News

Sidney Powell Easily Connects Dots Between Hugo Chavez, Biden, and the Loch Ness Monster

Nobody thought she could do it. They all said she was "crazy." Some said...
Business

Hair Dye Company “Just For Bridge Trolls” Signs Giuliani to Spokesmodel Contract

It was quite the scene, and when it was all said and done, President...
The Democrats

Obama Warns Biden Against Tan Suits and Dijon Mustards

SECRET KENYAN SHARIA BUNKER -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump may not want to...
Tech

Parler Changes Name to “Fecebook”

RIKELAND, NEVADA -- The new social media site known as Parler has started to...
MAGA News

Obama Sends Trump Pop-Up Book Version of His Memoir

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Barack Obama's highly anticipated first presidential memoir, "A Promised Land,"...
Tech

Zuckerberg Says He Can’t Ban Steve Bannon Until He Orders the Killing of At Least 15% of Facebook’s Users

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Not long ago, Twitter permanently banned former Trump administration...
MAGA News

Half of Republicans Think Trump Won Re-election and Santa Claus Will Deliver the Evidence Christmas Eve

A new poll published by Reuters today shows that half of Republicans -- roughly...
MAGA News

Impeached Sore Loser Continues to Pout Like a Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- More than two weeks ago, the country decided to fire Donald...
MAGA News

Florida Swamp and New York Dump Finalists for Trump Presidential Library

Presidential libraries are often planned and built once the nation's chief executive leaves office....
MAGA News

Trump Assures Ivanka She’ll Always Be His First Lady and Bottom Bitch

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- None of the legal proceedings initiated by the Trump campaign have...
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Latest articles

Tech

You Can’t Call Me an “Incel” If I Fuck My Cybertruck

The following editorial was written and submitted by right-wing author and 2020 Trump Campaign...
Arts & Entertainment

A Bald Eagle Protecting an American Flag Reminded Me Holocaust Denier JK Rowling Can’t Sue Me

Author JK Rowling is not a fan of transgender people, that much is true....
Criminal Justice

Hillary Clinton Told Me She Has the Free Time to Be a Juror for Trump’s Trials

"...nothing would make me happier than to help make sure Donald Trump got the...
Women's Rights

The State of Arizona Just Sent Me the Pink Slip for My Wife’s Uterus

"...my wife and I weren't planning any excursions through Arizona to begin with. However,...

© James Schlarmann (All Material is Satirical)