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Funny Business

Published on March 23rd, 2011 | by James Schlarmann

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An Open Letter to Victoria Jackson

Dear Victoria Jackson,

Wow. Wowee wow wow. Your comments about “Glee”, homosexuality and even Muslims have my head spinning. How did you ever survive as a cast member on “Saturday Night Live”? I remember you being in sketches that perhaps didn’t feature two homosexual characters kissing, but they certainly did not live up to Christian¬†ideals of morality. I have to assume that your born again zealotry is something that has fomented in the years and years after you were culturally and socially relevant. I would hate to think of you as being someone who could curb her morality while a network TV paycheck was being deposited in her bank account every couple weeks…

You know, I’m not even mad at you for your obscenely ignorant and small minded diatribes. I don’t pity you either; clearly you’ve made a conscious decision of conscience to be an absolute nut-bar. Before you go and say I’m part of the Liberal Agenda, let me just say that yes, I am. The Liberal Agenda of tolerance, societal progress and equality for all people I mean. Ironically, Ms. Jackson, it’s that same Liberal Agenda that forces me to be tolerant of all people’s viewpoints, even yours.

I try to live my life based on the beliefs I hold. One of those beliefs is that even the crazy opinions of homophobic has-beens have a right to be heard. When people like Dr. Laura put their feet in their mouths, I applaud it. It really does help my cause when people like you take on the spokespeople roles for wildly ignorant religious sycophantic babble. When the average person reads or hears your comments, they can’t help but dismiss them.

In fact, I want to take this opportunity to encourage you to keep making these comments. I’d hate for historians and anthropologists years and years from now to look back on this age of the human race and not find any examples of people who were laughably trying to stop a human rights issue from progressing. Just think how boring the Civil War would have been without people stubbornly holding onto the tenants of slavery. The sixties would have been so very different African-Americans weren’t being beaten mercilessly and refused equal treatment, and that just would be so boring, right Victoria?

Alas though, I’m afraid you will simply slip into the background, forgotten. You will blend in, and others will step into the spotlight in front of you. You’ll be forced into being mostly forgotten, a supporting player in your cast of comrades, until someone asks “remember Victoria Jackson?” It’s a feeling I’m sure you have absolutely no clue about.

Keep it Crazy,

James

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About the Author

James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a left-leaning satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.



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