An Open Letter To The People Requesting Secession

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You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, right? So let me see if I get this straight. You guys all really thought that every single poll was skewed and Mitt Romney, the guy who told half the country he didn’t really care about their votes, would win? I’m also going to go out on a limb and guess that you think what Romney said in that infamous tape is correct and not misleading in anyway, right? But here’s the thing: it is misleading. Sure, there are tons of Americans who don’t pay taxes. We call them soldiers, old people and the working poor. Let’s put all that aside for right now though. The election’s over. And your side lost. In fact, the term “got your asses handed to you” comes to mind and fits quite nicely. But as I see it, you folks need a refresher course on how our system works.

Whoever gets more votes, wins. Course completed.

So instead of accepting defeat like adults, your response is to say you’re going to leave the union? You’re actually suggesting that your state is going to be able to survive as its own nation? Guys, we’ve been through this before. For starters, Constitutionally you have no option to leave the union. Abe Lincoln, the guy you all supposedly love and adore, is laughing his distinguished and erudite balls of at you. The Civil War was essentially a fight over whether states have the right to secede.

They don’t. 

So get the fuck over it. Seriously. Get the fuck over the fact that your side lost. What you all should be doing is some serious self-examination. For a long, long time you’ve let Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and any number of shrill-voiced, lying, manipulative assholes be the voice of your party, and you’ve become the angry white party. But here’s the thing: you have nothing to be angry about. Look, I’m white, okay? And I know for a fact that the life I’ve led, while not platinum plated or diamond encrusted by any stretch, is in fact exponentially better than that of an average African-American or Latino born at the same time on the same day as I was, thanks solely to me being fortunate enough to have been born a white guy in America.

You can act as if slavery was a billion years ago, that Jim Crow laws were made unconstitutional eons and eons ago; but they weren’t. There are still plenty of people in the minority populations of this country that remember what it was like to not drink from one fountain, to get dirty looks for just walking down the street in their skin color, or to be denied opportunities because a white man got there first. Sure, we can argue that it was in the past and we are doing our best to level the playing field…well, actually, Democrats and Progressives can argue that. You can’t.

You’ve become the party that is hell bent on either holding us back or forcing us there. When you can’t even acknowledge the fundamental disconnect between the Constitution’s promised equality of all people and your party’s insistence that gay adults not be allowed to marry, you are in the wrong. I hate to be so blunt, but you’re on the wrong side of history here. That’s what the election on Tuesday really means. It doesn’t mean that “takers” are rising up. It means that the majority of Americans don’t buy what you’re selling.

Because what you’re selling is all the shit we hate about America’s past. 

You are against Affirmative Action, because you know, racism doesn’t exist anymore. You’re against marriage equality, because you know, Adam and Eve. You’re against equal pay for equal work, because well, girls are different than boys. You claim that liberals are unAmerican, and yet you all revel in inequity. You fucking champion it. Your political philosophy, when boiled down to its essentials is, “Life sucks, and it’s every man for himself. Yay!” But there are some of us who don’t want to pay for everyone’s ride through life but still feel an obligation to ensure that no one starves on the streets. And last week, three million more of us than you guys showed up to the polls and sent that message loudly and as clearly as possible.

Look, saying all this might sound harsh. And it might reinforce your inkling to leave. But I implore you to think about what you’re suggesting. For over 236 years we’ve transferred power between heads of state. We’ve yet to cave as a country, and Barack Obama won’t push us into the abyss. The economy is recovering. We are getting back on our feet, but even if you don’t feel it yet, your reaction to just pull out of the country is shortsighted, based in fantasy and wouldn’t solve anything.

Who’s going to protect your borders? Who’s going to ensure you get to trade freely with other nations, not just other states? Who is going to help protect and develop your infrastructure? You, right now, are 2% of our country, and that’s just based on being one of fifty states, saying nothing about how little you contribute to our GDP. We will survive, the rest of the states who don’t secede. California, New York, the mid-west states buoyed by the auto bailout, they’re all staying put. Ironically, it’s mostly the red states, the states that take way more Federal money than they contribute, that are involved in this nothingness. So by all means, please leave. We’ll divvy up the tax payer money you all leach from us among the states who are smart enough not to bitch about takers while being a mecca for takers.

Seriously though, you’re not fucking going anywhere. Luckily for you, this country is not run by people as immature and selfish as you are. Luckily for you, you are governed by adults. Adults know you don’t leave the country after a stinging and resounding defeat. You look inward. You try and find the reasons for you lost within, not without. In the end, your pathetic attempts to throw your toys out of the crib and pout will be laughed at. Liberals and Democrats didn’t leave the country in 2000 or 2004. Yes, some talked about expatriating, there weren’t petitions filed with the White House to allow their state to leave.  We looked hard at ourselves, decided the infighting and constant blame of the other side was getting us nowhere, and Democratic leadership got their shit into one sock. Now, I’ll grant you that there wasn’t a cabal of progressive talk radio and television news anchors to placate, so maybe you lot have a much tougher road ahead of you.

But if I can be so bold as to make a suggestion: how about instead of leaving the country, you leave your home? How about you get outside your bubble and go walk among the people. Go talk to middle class families struggling to make ends meet, knowing one catastrophic medical emergency could wipe them out forever in the old way of doing things. Talk to the single mother working three jobs and still needing welfare and food stamps to keep her three kids fed. Maybe if you see that the “takers” you speak so derisively of are no different than you, except they’re not so stubborn as to ask for help when they need it, you’ll see your whole political ideology is based on a willful ignorance of life as it truly exists.

Or by all means try and leave the union; call me when that works out for you.




About James Schlarmann 2612 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
  • “Democratic leadership got their shit into one sock” — I rather like this line.

  • Mel Haun Sr

    Well said, the fox no news propaganda machine mush heads need to turn off FOX, Rush, WND, and about a dozen other right wing propaganda sites that lie, distort, misinform, edit videos, carp statements, and generally dumb down the mush heads who listen to their drivel. None of us can totally escape. Been that way since Reagan killed the FCC rules and regulations allowing 5 or 6 rich guys or conglomerates to buy up the 50 or so media outlets and start the war on truth and democracy, try to kill Unions, keep the Oil companies free from control, and generally slowly stifle the middle class and poor.

  • Judy

    I am a charter member of the ‘we are all only one medical catastrophe away from disaster’ club. My husband had just started a new job when he was diagnosed with cancer, and was thus ineligible for insurance of any kind. Fortunately, we had Cobra from his previous job. Unfortunately, that Cobra cost $1300 a month. It is indeed possible to completely wipe out all of your savings and your retirement plan paying the uninsured portion of medical bills and living expenses in a short span of 8 months before my husband died. Life can go from middle class to paycheck-to-paycheck in a heartbeat…….

    • Heather W.

      I am so sorry for your loss. I too was diagnosed with cancer soon after getting a job. I had just started getting benefits when diagnosed and having surgery. Because my income was commission based, I also had to pay COBRA. Singe mom with two children. The children were living with their father (because it was better for them since he had the full time job and ability to care for their everyday needs better than myself, and I had JUST moved in with my parents and looking for a new place to move when diagnosed.) Sent my life into a huge upheaval. Every penny I had saved GONE. Hospital had to pay for part of the COBRA to allow me to go home and get care at home (it was cheaper for them in the long run.) I never did get my children back under the same roof as myself, having had to live with my parents, and now my boyfriend, while on disability (I didn’t want them to leave the school district they were in for my selfish wants to have them full time.) I lucked out. I may not be able to live on my own, or even ever work again, but I’m alive, and glad that I live in the country I do that has helped me along the way with medicaid and medicare (thought not Friend of the Court, who kept trying to charge me child support.)

  • Sheila

    Donald Trump could be their President.

    • Heather W.

      LMAO! I’ve been following his twitter. What a CHILD. I haven’t seen such a temper tantrum since my children were in preschool!

  • RLMeeks

    #1 how much of the national debt do the red states owe?
    #2 how long do these states think they will last without fed support
    #3 the drug lords will own Texas & Arizona in a month if they leave

  • S. Stowell

    RLMeeks, you got that right about #3. I wonder how these states will like be bulldozed by drug cartels…

    This whole seceding from the U.S. thing reminds me of a small child who doesn’t get their way and threatens to “run away from home”. Maybe what they need is a good, stiff paddle on their behinds *lol*. Toughlove and all that…

  • Ron

    Hey, James. Great post!

    But, FYI, 1 out of 50 is 2% – not .02%. (8th paragraph)

    Keep up the good work. 🙂

    • Thanks for catching that Ron. Forgot to move the decimal back over. 😉

  • Ok…I undersand the anger, hatred, frustration and unappiness president
    Obama’s reelection has caused for 100,000 or so true patriots. I believe it’s time for the president ad congress to act on ths and create a new country for all these socially. And intellectually displaced ” former Americans ” from Texas and surrounding areas. We can start with a working title of Dumbfuckistan that could ultimately be changed by i’s own electorate. Dumbfuckistan whose capitol city is Pont Barrow s a quaint location by the sea just north of Alaska. With a soon to be year round open seaport, the citzens could do business exporting seaweed and krill. Because of it’s northely location, satellitte reception woud likely be poor…I am told new developents in fiber optic will have residents watching FOX news 24/7 as soon as summer arrives and the lines can be strung. Point Barrow s a beautiful place if you like living in the wide open spaces without the pesky interference of things like trees, grass or schrubbery. Who knw, you mght just rub elbows with Todd Palin as he and hs dogs and sleds compete in an expitition throughout the north country. You won’t be needing any air conditioners anymore….it’s perfection for all recessionists.

  • Tinkerbell

    It is interesting that you are unable to write with out swearing. Now that I have that out of the way. Let us clear a few things up. You need to learn to do some research before you post things. For example Soldiers pay taxes like everyone else. When people talk about the states leaving and having to live on thier own, you fail to see that it is possible. We as a nation were set up that way. People have grown weak and Whine over every little thing. People rely on others to help them instead of helping themselves. Your comment on being better off than another race is ignorant and I can promise there are many better off then you because they have ethics and morals that you seem unable to grasp. Whether or not the people you choose to swear at leave, is not the point. The point is people are not happy with what is going on in our country and are choosing to make changes. They are taking a stand for what they beleive in. What have you done in your life that makes you so special. By the looks of your background not much.

    • I find it interesting that you think commenting on my use of language means fuck-all. Really, I find that interesting. I mean, you can choose to get hung up on the fact that I use words like “fuck” and “shit,” or you can obsess about the whole soldiers paying taxes thing. Or you can a) realize that I meant soldiers in the field of battle, over in theater. They do not pay income taxes, as I am aware of it.

      No, “Tinkerbell,” states could not succeed on their own. Who would protect them? Would you assume that they very country they just told to fuck off and broke away from would jump right in and protect them? How about the thousands of people living in those states who don’t want to leave the union? Are they just shit out of luck because a couple of cry-baby assholes didn’t their way in the election? This people aren’t standing up for what they believe in; they’re acting like spoiled children who didn’t get their way. Ironic since that’s how they like to portray progressives. I’m done with you.

      Have a pleasant motherfucking day, goddamnit.

      • Tinkerbell

        So what you are saying is that a state cannot be a country? I just am trying to understand the point you are trying to get across with me. And the fact that you say “Fuck” really does not bother me. I swear often and even more when I run out of words that express how I feel. It is the simple point that you cannot get your point across, it seems, without swearing. It shows your vocabulary range is very limited. People whine every day. You are whining now because you have to listen to these people. It happens every 4 years. The winner brags and the loser whines. What is funny is that this is not the first time that this has happened. It is just the first time you are hearing about it because of the large number of people who are in support of it. It is still a process that would take years to have happen if it ever came to it. I also highly doubt that it ever will happen.
        As for you soldiers thing you are right that they do not pay taxes while deployed to a combat zone. But do you know how much and average soldier here in Afghanistan makes? I guess the real question is how do you suppose we go about taxing people? Do you believe in a flat tax? You brought it up I would be delighted to hear what you think is the best plan for taxes. To be honest I think if you are willing to give your life for this country then it should give something back to you. Whether they give it in money or they give it in healthcare or find another way.
        I am glad that you are done with me. I was worried you might have to use big words and than you would hurt yourself.
        And thank you I will “Have a Pleasant Motherfucking Day, Goddamnit.” I hope you do as well.

        • Cindi


          Please re-read James’ piece. He did make his point. His point was that the Republicans lost the election and that states cannot secede from the Union.

          Why is it that everyone else gets it but you?

          You’re fucking welcome.

          • Cindi is the Champion of Awesome.

            Tinkerbell is very fucking welcome in-fucking-deed.

    • Tara

      The fact that you chose to comment here, without looking up that statistic about our military is a perfect example of this bubble the Repubs keep their members in…and then opening a can of worms regarding cussing to another grown adult is comedy…

    • Tara

      I’d love for you to be able to explain-in detail- what are 5 ways Romney was going to better our country…numbers and verified facts only…

      • Tinkerbell

        I never said anything About who would be better for our country. To be honest neither one of them are worth the time. My Comment was really just to point out that he is not as smart as he seems to think he is. And the fact that he has to resort to swearing just to make himself feel better entertains me…

        • Tara

          His post was full of verifiable facts and very poignant metaphors…making a very valid point…I, for one, found it refreshing having read so much hate lately…I have voted the last 5 elections, and have never been so appalled by how much disrespect there is for our chosen President…treason comes to mind, actually…yet Democrats are being called uneducated and ignorant??? Not all Repubs voted within their party folks..,it is very disheartening…

  • Valerie

    As much as I appreciate your sentiments on this subject lets clarify SOLDIERS PAY TAXES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • As far as my research shows they do not pay taxes if they’re in active duty combat zones; that’s what I meant.

    • Greg Yount

      No Valerie, soldiers who are stationed in combat zones are NOT taxed on any of their military income. Same was true when I served in Submarines, our basic pay and sea pay were taxed, but not our hazardous duty pay when we were on station off of Archangel, Russia….

  • Greg Yount

    Excellent post, and pretty well sums up my thoughts every time I see YET ANOTHER post on Facebook by these whiners saying that Obama is a disgrace to this country, is the anit-Christ, is a Kenyan Manchurian candidate, that we are all too stupid to vote, and apparently America is dead and full of Obamazombies dead from the neck up. So, I gave no pause to signing the petition to the White House asking that all citizens signing the petitions to secede be stripped of their citizenship immediately and exiled. They want out, get them the f! out!

  • J.C.

    Really good article. Sums up everything I’ve thought about the post-election reaction in a much more concise and humorous way.
    Ironically, that last paragraph generally describes not a few of the radical right supporters. They don’t see the forest for the tree, a tree that happens to be a lanky black man with a funny name.

  • Worried for our society

    My only issue with the race thing is that everyone screams equality however they push so far as to say that i cant say and do the same things as a black man because of the wrongs of the whites of the past. Im all for equality if it is true equality not social justice, i grew up here in the south and as a young white boy kind of felt sorry for the things others had to endure but as i grew i got tired of it being shoved down my throat thT i should feel guilty in some way because i was born white.Also as far as the federal support the red states take people should honestly come to south carolina drive around and talk to people here and see how the support is being used. Check the number of criminals whose girlfriends get calls to go get bail money out of the atm with their ebt cash assistance card. No hardworking person should be ask to pay for a lack of responsibility people need help yes but we need a better system to weed out the takers.

  • alan

    I am a soldier and i pay taxes and have a hell of a time making ends meet. I would also like to say that the single mothers working 3 jobs should keep their legs shut and things might work out better for them…

    • Keep their legs closed? So if their husband leaves them, they should retroactively close their legs or just abort the kids? Your compassion is astounding.

    • Greg Y

      and alan, unless military pay has gone WAY WAY up since my time in the service, you also qualify to get most of those taxes back, if not all, even using standard deductions, therefore, you fall into the 47% who are just takers by the GOP definition. After all, if you pay taxes yet get those (income) taxes back, well then, you’re not truly contributing, are you? (again, per GOP definition, since what they fail to grasp is that even if I pay income tax throughout the year, the gov’t is getting interest on those tax dollars and using them before paying me those tax dollars back at filing time, without any accumulated interest of course).

    • Cushing3

      I think all the single fathers should have their penises removed. That would solve the problem as well.

  • Greg Yount

    Heck, even if these clowns all congregated in our sparsely populated state of Colorado, they’d STILL only make up a fraction of a percent of the overall population. They’re free to move out to the northwest corner of our state, nice farm country. Not sure the farmers will want a bunch of idiots moving in next door, but I’m sure as heck not giving up any of our high country for these clowns!

  • Tara

    Bravo! Well written and full of great insight!

  • Kohana

    I just wanted to say that I think it is really childish for anyone to be pissed and Republican’s or anyone for their desire to leave the ‘union’. I do not think the United States, at least politically, is a union. Our politicians can’t seem to act like adults and do the jobs we hired/elected them to do and that’s on both sides Republican and Democrat. Further more, do not bitch about the news channels because both sides have news stations in their pockets.

    That being said, while I think people being upset about the desire for others wanting to secede, that is your opinion. They have a right to theirs and the right to voice it. Just like it is my right to think this whole seceding idea is really silly. But if you look at in one perspective, it’s no different than those who were at occupy wall street. Deep down it’s people wishing for change and trying to do something about it peacefully. How has that ever been a crime? So maybe before you get your panties in a wad and get vicious with each other, perhaps you should just take a step back and take a breath and try to look at things logically, sensibly, and try to understand how others are looking at things?

    • The similarities between the numb skulls petitioning for secession and the Occupy movement starts and ends at them all being members of the human race. Though in the case of the secessionists, barely.

    • Greg Y

      There is a huge gulf between secessionists and the OWS crowd. Although the secession requests are worded as to request “peaceful secession”, they are still a violation of the Constitution. Not so much the speaking of secession, but the thought that a state CAN secede. They cannot. This has been decided once in our history, and it cost the United States 10% of it’s entire population. In the military, this falls under Sedition, since it calls for the overthrow of the legally elected gov’t of this country (simply due to the fact that one portion of the population is calling for the replacement of our gov’t with another gov’t). Further, it does raise hackles because the people calling for this treasonous act, whether to vent frustration, or in the hopes of it actually happening, are the very same crowd who at any other time would be proudly espousing their patriotism, and love for the country they now want to break apart. Sorry, these fools decide to be soundly and loudly derided for such talk. If they want to start building support and try to vote out representatives in the next election, then by all means procede. Secession is NOT an option, and has not been since April 1861.

  • boundforcory

    So, what if We didn’t support either side of the major two party system? What if We have been saying for years that Lincoln destroyed states rights, and wish he wasn’t seen as a great man. What if We wanted someone who actually means what they say in office? Do you really think people that want their state to secede don’t know what it means?

    Either way, we have a split nation. It isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.

    • So, what if We didn’t support either side of the major two party system?

      Then find another your party, start small in the states and work yourself up to the national stage. Or alternatively, reach out to whatever political party you want to, tell them what it is you don’t like about their platform, and work to change it. Either way, the answer is you have to do some work.

      What if We have been saying for years that Lincoln destroyed states rights, and wish he wasn’t seen as a great man.

      Then frankly I’d say you’re ignorant. Lincoln didn’t do anything to destroy states’ rights. There is no constitutional “out” clause. Lincoln was a great man. But like any man, he was flawed. Because you know, no one’s perfect. That’s what’s wrong with this country. People expect even our greatest leaders to have been perfect shitters of ice cream and gold silk. However, since every human being has faults, no one meets every single criteria for a flawless leader. Jefferson owned slaves. Dubya was a fucking moron. You get my point.

      What if We wanted someone who actually means what they say in office?

      Tell me, what exactly has Obama said and not meant? Gitmo? Read up on that one? NDAA? Drone Strikes? Show me one instance where President Obama ever said he wouldn’t use the tools and means he had at his disposal to keep the world safe. I don’t fucking agree with drone strikes, and I hate his kill list, but the guy never said he wasn’t going to be strong in foreign policy. I will grant you that he has not been as transparent as he said he would be, but show me a politician who doesn’t over promise during an election, and I’ll show you a loser.

      Do you really think people that want their state to secede don’t know what it means?

      All of them? No. Most of them? Yes.

      Either way, we have a split nation. It isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.

      That I agree with. Completely. I don’t write to convert conservatives. To me it’s clear that we just need to make sure Progressives/Democrats out vote the right for as long as it takes for the right to return from their siesta from reality.

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