10 Songs On the Palins’ Brawlin’ Party Playlist

Sarah Palin's family's brawl had a pretty sweet custom soundtrack.

By now you’ve all probably heard about the drunken fight at a party up in Alaska that involved just about every member of the Palin klan clan, and that at one point allegedly saw Sarah Palin scream over and over “Do you know who I am?” Clearly it’s an embarrassing moment, and in any other time and place it would signal — finally — the clock running out on the family’s fifteen minutes, which they’ve somehow managed to stretch into about six excruciating years.

But did you know there was a special playlist of songs for the party, made especially in honor of the Palins? The DJ at the party emailed us here at the Chute and on condition of anonymity gave us a list of the songs the Palins requested he play that night, with some sample lyrics to boot. Enjoy, and don’t forget: these are the same people who told us gay people can’t get married because of what it means to the sanctity of marriage and family.

#10. “Everybody Was Hur-Dur Fighting”

Everybody was Hur-Dur Fighting
Those hicks were drunk  and feisty!
Their  views on everything are frightening
Just keep Sarah off the White Lightning

#9. We Are Family (That Embarrasses Ourselves Every Chance We Get)

We are family
Full of shit and hypocrisy
We are family
We make hating us so easy!

#8. Beat It (and by “It” We Mean Each Other)

When you run and win, you never do your damn job
Don’t want to see your face, ‘cept on YouPorn under blowjobs
You’re not very smart, you should really shut up
So beat it, because you’re washed-up and sad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
In every election you’re defeated
Family of dummies and religious kooky dorks
They use spoons cuz they’re too dumb to use forks
Just beat it, beat it

#7. (We Can See Russia From) Our House

Father abuses Mommy’s governor powers
Mother’s watching Putin from her back porch
The kids are doomed to be dummies too
Bristol’s blogging who knew she could even read?
Sarah’s tv station will make your eyes bleed
They all just hang around

Our house, where Russia’s just across the street
Our house, where Russia’s just across

#6. Seven Moron Army

They’re gonna fight ‘all night
A 7-IQ army from the Northern Lights
They’re gonna rip ’em off
Taking their campaign donations with no plans to run

And they’re talking to derps on the right
Because no one else will
Back and forth from the north
Just wish they’d stay away

And the message from the rest of us
Says leave us alone

#5. (If You Can’t Keep It In Your Pants) Come Together

Here come old Derp Eyes
She  come spewing up bullshit
Her brain is juju beans  and
and deep fried Mars bars
She’s no point to speaking
Got to be a Bagger
Just a political sneeze

#4. Loser

Ella es una Puta atención
She’s a loser, McCain, so why did you pick her?

#3. Smells Like Teen Pregnancies

Load up on guns and tell your friends
The FEMA camps are opening now
Obama’s coming to take them all
So just stock up, you simple fucks

Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o.
Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o.
Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o, Jell-o.
Jell-o, Jell-o, my brain’s Jell-o

#2. Definitely Not 2 Legit 2 Quit

Big dumb shit, all she does is quit (Hey heyyyyyyyyyyy)
Big dumb shit, all she does is quit (Hey heyyyy)
Big dumb shit, all she does is quit

#1. Fight Your Fight Your Right to Party and Fight

Kick it

Got picked up McCain, which made our brains go numb
Said you read all the papers, but then how come you’re still dumb?
Your debates were classic, you looked like a dope
But you didn’t take a hint, and you we don’t know how to cope

You gotta fight for your right to party…and fight with each other

More from James Schlarmann

Colorado Supreme Court Rules Employees Can Be Fired For Post-Work Beer

The Colorado Supreme Court has revamped its previous ruling on whether employers...
Read More