Are you a concerned Progressive after hearing that Willard Romney has chosen Wisconsin Representative Paul Ryan as his Vice Presidential nominee? Don’t be! As it turns out there are so many wonderful reasons we all should get behind Romney-Ryan 2012! Here are the four best of those reasons.
#1. Old People Scare You
Old people can be scary. Especially if they’re part of a witch’s coven or the Governor of Arizona or something like that. They have all that life’s knowledge and experience too. I mean, who really needs to have that much insight and perspective in life? If you’re one of the countless Americans who’d rather grandma and grandpa be neither seen nor heard, you should vote for Romney-Ryan. After all, if The Ryan Budget is approved and Medicare is turned into a costly voucher system for seniors, that little problem of “What to do with the people who kept this country going for years?” will just take care of itself. Food and medicine is a privilege, not a Right, Old People!
#2. Women Scare You
Gentlemen, we are outnumbered! There are more women on this planet than men, and we’ve gotten dangerously close to making them our equals. Luckily, Romney-Ryan offers us a way backward, into the golden days. Ryan has devout Catholic beliefs that have helped him support bills that give embryos the same rights as fully developed and birthed humans. What better way to keep women in check than to make sure they can’t control what they do with their special lady parts?
#3. The Gays Scare You
Do you feel like it’s just not right that this group of people that you have a totally irrational and ignorant opinion of are daring to ask to be treated like normal human beings? Paul Ryan is your guy. Ryan knows it’s “Adam and Eve” not “Adam and Steve.” Like Romney, he supports a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage, and he voted against the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. So if equality for all humans isn’t your cup of tea, then go with Romney-Ryan 2012!
#4. Learning Scares You
There’s nothing worse than a smug college graduate. I mean, do they think just because they recently spent four years (more for an advanced degree) learning everything they could about specific subjects that they’re somehow more equipped with knowledge than someone without a degree? Those elitists on college campuses everywhere have the audacity to think that we should be helping them pay for their schooling because they’ll be able to repay society later when they graduate and take jobs in the work force, contributing to the GDP, but also to our infrastructure through taxes they’ll pay. The Ryan Budget would kill Pell grants and spike student loan interest rates. That’d keep those pesky “learning” kids off our backs for awhile!